Exam Results

I receive my exam results tomorrow.  On the general idea I am not completely worried but when I really think about each individual subject and memory of experience when sitting the exam, my heart freezes up a bit.

It doesn’t help that my mum is frantically searching for her purse containing all of her bank cards and asking whether or not it is too late to drive to the police station.

I feel frustrated when I think about how much control these measly pieces of paper hold over my near and far futures, to be judged and given a grade solely upon one single performance. It is not reliable, countless analysis of biology experiments which I have preformed in class and written about in my actual exam say so. How hypocritical.

Thinking about my subjects feels all too daunting. A mixture of English (first, foremost and favourite), History, Gaelic (Scottish not Irish), Biology, Art and lastly Maths. Mathematics and I live in a tumultuous and bittersweet relationship. I see the attraction to Maths quite clearly, the unchangeable logic and satisfying motions from rules giving you a correct answer at the end of the rainbow is a feeling of upmost relief. It is rare this occurs for me but when it does, the appeal rings clear. However, I am often left in severe frustration and spitting poison at the never ending rule book of equations. I cannot, for the life of me, seem to wrap my head around them all. But this may be due to the fact I hardly ever revised for maths, except for the last five days leading up to the exam itself.

I am my own worst enemy.

I am one of those people who was a constant over-achiever throughout primary years and early secondary years, one who didn’t need to revise due to being able to withdraw the knowledge from my conscience. Yet as the years progressed and the knowledge required became increasingly more in-depth and obscure, my bad habits dug their heels down and stuck. I have been distractedly bashing at those habits with a blunt stick for a while now. They have one heel somewhat unstuck. I digress.

Whatever results I receive tomorrow, I will force myself to smile and joke. Frown then accept. Think deeply then carry on. I want to do good, I do. And I will.

Eventually.

Eilidh x

 

 

 

A Brief Introduction

It is a rare feeling for me, the sudden boost of energy and determination to advance my writing skills. I have continuously googled ways in the past other than this one, always believing that I am unable to write upon a blog and share my thoughts and opinions to the internet.

God forbid anyone I am familiar with will stumble upon this mediocre blog tucked away in the corners of a desperate internet.

This small passage is honestly just something to unwillingly slap on my blog in order to prevent the site from pestering me to do so further. As well as checking that I truly still do understand the English language. Hopefully I do, as I hail from a small country where it is unfortunately the first language, a country where other languages are not found often amongst our ignorance. I type this now, my laptop upon my bed as I sit upon my ankles, crushing them gently into the carpet while I peer through large-framed spectacles. Music is playing gently by my side. I do hope I can write often.

I am a naive human in my earlier years of life, filled with fearful ignorance and empty with a severe lacking in life experience. I do hope whoever may read this understands as I ramble obliviously about my unimportant life, accompanied by my frequent frustrations and joys as I navigate it. As well as my amateur writing style.

So, here’s to a hopeful time of me attempting to write out into the world and creating a better version of myself as I go.

Much thanks for reading,

Eilidh